Mind Flow

I am getting this, and I am going to ride the shit out of it.





come with me.

Russell is taking this class that his dad teaches about budgeting and whatnot. Well believe it or not it has been so fun. He budgeted grocery shopping and a million other things. He is really into saving money and now I am too. We have an envelope for Vacation :] and another one for Wedding :] We plan on going to either New York, Boston, or Flordia for New Years. We want to be gone for a week. We were thinking about New York because my sister lives there, I know my way around the city and love it and it would be sooo pretty that time of year. All the lights and snow! When Russell was little he used to live in Massachusetts and LOVED it. So we might go to Boston and see all the aquariums and historical things they have there. Then I saw a commercial for Disney world but we decided that Universal would be better and less kiddish so we are thinking about that too. We prob aren't going to do the disney thing because it's REALLY expensive.
Russell and I of course are going to get married but not for like another 3 years sooooo we can start saving now and have a beautiful wedding. I'm seriously putting just like 10 or 20 bucks a paycheck into that envelope so it will add up. Russell is also putting some aside too, so together it will RULE. I want to get married at Incarnate Word. It has a 5 year waiting list because it is so beautiful! I want to finish school so that gives me time haha. I don't want to rush things either.

All of this makes me so excited. We budgeted groceries yesterday and went shopping and it was so fun hahaha. We got a lot of junk food but I felt like this will be the first of many shopping trips and that makes me smile. I don't know why it's fun for me but we love it.


Oh and I have decided to be a lot nicer to everyone. My sisters, Russell, the whole world. My moods have been so up and down lately and I have felt like a complete bitch. I need to learn when I'm stressed or sad not to take it out on anyone. I'm sorry :[ I'm going to get soooo much better, just wait.

YAY work time :[ Well I need to make money for everything I want. I WILL GET EVERYTHING I WANT.

I have realized I much rather stay home than go out. I used to be this crazy party animal and then I met russell. He tamed my little ass down and now I am starting to go out and party again and I don't enjoy it like I used to. I like coming home and getting into my sweat pants and bright eyes tee. I love making easy silly meals with russell and sitting on my couch watching trashy mtv reality shows. I wonder how long this will last though. I am ridiculously in love with everyone I meet, and I love hanging out and havin good times. Maybe I will even it out, yeah? yeah.

Also, I have realized how truly blessed I am. I am struggling very hard right now with myself and life but some things that happened recently have put shit into perspective. I have so many loving people in my life and I take it for granted. I kinda just want to send thank you cards to everyoneeee. Sometimes when I'm down I just think of this very fact and I can at least smile.

I am praying for you, and you and your family. I hope that one day you won't feel alone because actually you are loved very very much.



I have so much love to give, maybe that is a step towards figuring out what I am supposed to be doing in life. fjaf;dljasflkj I hope.

I have been so worked up about school and work and life. I am so weird. I already have in my mind that I will fail, so I get anxious to study. When I do for a little bit all I think about in the back of my head is that I won't remember any of this. I just don't feel smart.I've been putting myself down a whole lot, and comparing myself to others. I somehow fall short of everyone. Flora made me think about it this way: Have I ever failed a class that I tried in? Nope. So why should I think this way? ahh. My mind is warped man. I had a little break down the other night. Russell sat with me and talked to me for hours but I still haven't been able to get my spirits up. I am making a huge effort to study though. I literally sat on my couch after school yesterday for three hours studying just govt. I understood it and I am just crossing my wrinkled little fingers that I will remember it. I am just doing the best I can and If I don't make A's I will be heartbroken.


I need new clothes.

I got Imagine whirled peace Ice cream yesterday. It has chunks of chocolate peace signs, I love it. Russell and I pretty much eat dino-nuggets 24/7 and I love that too. My hair is getting long but I want it to get super long. I am growing my bangs out, and hopefully soon I can get some highlights. I hate this stupid black hair, its not me and I want it gone.
Somethings missing.